crazy or not here we come

I've had lots of people ask me why in the world I want to have a natural birth. While I don't disagree with people thinking it's crazy, I disagree that it's crazy. Let me explain. I have to get into Gracie's birth story a little bit for you to understand, so bear with me. I started having contractions about 10 pm July 2, I knew I was going to start active labor that morning because I lost my mucus plug. But no contractions at all until we laid down to go to bed. They started out really slow and not to bad, maybe every 30 minutes but I still slept some that night. We got up at 7:00 to get ready for my doctors appointment in Provo at 9:00 am, we were living in Centerville at the time so we knew it would take about an hour to the doctors office. The contractions at this point were every 6-8 minutes and pretty uncomfortable. We drove the hour and by the time we got there the contractions were 5 minutes apart and I wanted to cry haha We went into my doctors and bless her heart she tried to tell me I wasn't in active labor. I kindly (kinda) informed her if she sent me home I would be having my baby in Salt lake because the car ride is way to long. She told me to head over to the hospital to be monitored but if I didn't progress 2 cm in 1 hour I was outta luck. I just said okay and we made our way over. It was probably almost 11 am at this point and by the time I got checked in it was 11:30. They let me do some walking for an hour to see if I would. At the doctors I was a 2.5 by 12:30 the lady said maybe a 3. They suggested I take some morphine for the drive home, now pause. Anyone who knows me knows I barley take medicine because 1. I am healthy and don't need it and 2. I react weird to anything and everything. Unpause. As I was sitting there feeling the contractions thinking about sitting in the car for another hour and feeling defeated I said okay that's fine. Now, morphine makes me groggy, not kind of groggy but out of it groggy. I look back now and I literally don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't even in that much pain I think I was just scared of sitting in the car with the pain. They also told me first time moms are usually in labor an average of 12 hrs and I wasn't sure I could survive 10 more hours. So they gave it to me and the groggy started almost 5 mins later, I couldn't walk or even stay awake. They wanted to make sure I was okay so they let me stay another 30 minutes. The nurse said "Oh wow your at a 5!" See if I used bad language this is where it would be inserted. I was admitted right then and there. They asked if I wanted and epidural which I couldn't really respond because I was half asleep but Chase said yes she would. The worst part about all of this is the morphine did ZERO for the pain, literally nothing it just made me so I couldn't think straight. Next thing I knew my doctor walked in asking to break my water before I had the epidural, I said sure. See here is another place to insert bad words because not a single person informed me that the pain gets unbearable after having your water broke. At this point I was a six and after my water broke I wanted to punch someone but even thought the pain was that bad I couldn't stay awake. So 10 minutes later I hear someone telling me to roll over for the epidural, it was fine until...I had a weird reaction to that medication. Gracie's hear beat was dropping because  I wasn't getting enough air because of the epidural and it didn't help I couldn't wake up long enough to hear what they were saying to me. So they putt me on oxygen. it had been 45 minutes since the epidural and I woke up to them telling me I was at a 10 and I could start pushing if I wanted. I declined and asked to sleep more, yupp I said no to pushing so I could sleep haha but about 15 minutes later I felt like I needed to go "potty" and asked if I could. The nurse said "yeah just let me check you....OH! you don't have to go to the bathroom her head is coming out. Don't move, I'll call your doctor" I started pushing, they soon realized I had been sleeping that I wasn't pressing the button for the medicine in the epidural to actually come out. So they pressed it for me because again on average you push 2 hrs. The told me the medicine wouldn't work for another 30 mins but that I had to start pushing because her heart rate was dropping. Well I only pushed 20 minutes, I felt everything, including the stitches afterwards. I also had a high fever because of the epidural and you know that shaking they tell you about? Well because I'm so sensitive to medicine the epidural made me feel and look like I was having some kind of attack. I wasn't I just couldn't control my body. It lasted for a whole hour.They said it was the worst reaction they had seen to the epidural, Yay. I kept getting told how easy and "text book" my labor was which in reality it was if one thing wouldn't have been a factor... that is ... medicine. I took 2 Tylenol, that is it for my recovery. I hated how out of control the other medicine made me feel I barley wanted to take Tylenol.

So now you see why I don't want an epidural? I like feeling in control of my body. I like knowing what is going in and coming out. All in all my labor was maybe 4 hrs, I did the hardest part without the numbing of the epidural anyway so I really want to try. Don't get me wrong there is still that little part in my brain telling me "Oh if it's to hard just get the epidural" but I have 12 weeks to get that out of my mind. I have been doing lots of research and they say
1. you are less likely to tear if you don't have any epidural because you are pushing with the contractions as you feel them
2. recovery is easier
3. the labor is faster
Those are the three things that really get me excited. I had an easy easy easy recovery but hey I'm sure it could be easier in some ways? maybe? I also had a quick labor but I want to try to only be at the hospital an hour before starting to push. My goal is to stay home as long as possible but without having the baby in the car haha My biggest concern thus far is that I may for some unknown reason need an emergency c-section for Hadlie's safety. I would hate if something happened to her because of my choise.

The next thing people have asked is what am I doing to prepare for it?
1. Working out- from all the stuff I've read this is the best way to prepare. I walk/run 30-45 minutes every day. Then I do 15 minutes of cardio and 15 minutes of stretching.
2. Breathing- I always get false contractions (sometimes real) when walking at the gym. So I take that time to practice breathing through them. I also take 15 minutes a day while Gracie sleeps and just concentrate on breathing and thing about positive things.
3. Healthy eating- this one is mainly so she isn't a giant. I am making sure the weight I am gaining is weight Hadlie is gaining. I have gained eight pounds so far and plan on gaining a pound a week for the next 12 weeks.
4. Talking about it- I talk to Chase about it, how he is going to help me and also talking to my mom (who is horrified that I am going to do this) about being supportive and not telling me to give in when it's painful. I also have talk to our friend Katie who has done it now three times. Did you know you don't have to be confined to the bed? You just tell them you want to walk through contractions and they just tell you that's fine just come back every 2 hrs to monitor the baby for 20 mins. I have gotten some awesome advice from her that I'm going to try to apply.

Sorry this was a novel but women use to do this every day before medicine. I am just trying to build up the courage and not have that feeling of I can just give in. Any advice would be great ;)

 

Month of love :)

Chase and I got away for valentines night due to my wonderful mom! My dad was out of town so Gracie was Grandmas valentine. She got to go shopping for toys and chick-fila for dinna. She is def spoiled rotten, which one day I am sure it's going to come back to haunt me but whatever haha Chase took me shopping (for two whole hrs) and didn't complain once! We had a yummy dinner and just enjoyed each other company. We spent the whole day house shopping so we were a little tired and came back home at eight haha

Nothing new with Chase and I, Gracie is still growing like a bean (kind of) we finally figured out she has an iron deficiency because she doesn't eat and only drinks milk. She is taking Iron now once a day so it should improve her want to eat. She loves going down the slide and being outside. We have been enjoying amazing weather and getting ready for Hadlie.

Hadlie is now 27 weeks and we are entering the third trimester. We had our doc appointment Wednesday and she looks great! She is already head down and it's really uncomfortable. Gracie flipped head down really late at 39 weeks which instantly put me into labor! My body responded so quickly when she turned head down which made for an extremely easy labor. Hadlie must want to come in April ;) We are really hoping she doesn't but with stress of moving and graduating we are anticipating anything. My doctor told me as soon as I feel a contraction to come in because I will only be in labor a few hours this time since last time was so short (it was about four hrs). I have also decided I am having a medication free, all natural birth. I don't like taking medicine and I am expecting it to be fairly short (labor time) so I am just going to go without. I know I am crazy, but I can do it, right?

I may have been talking to a friend and looked over to find her like this..little monkey!

thats how you wear hats!!

26 weeks

baby #2 we love you

I don't think many people actually read this haha My goal this year was to keep more of a journal, especially on pregnancy. With school and homework keeping a journal is kinda hard so I figured I could write some thoughts on here. This pregnancy has been different than Gracie's but same in some ways. I have found myself wishing I would've kept a journal about feelings, changes and anything else while pregnant with Gracie so that I could refer to them to see if I have experienced this before. I also feel like we documented so much of Gracie's pregnancy but this time around I can barley remember how far along I am, I usually say um somewhere around ___ months. It's not that we love Hadlie any less and if you know the story of getting pregnant with her, you would know how happy I am to be pregnant but I feel like our life is a whirl wind right now. So here is few things I would like to remind myself:

-26 weeks
-6 pounds gained
-starting to have lower right growing pain
-feeling tired but not sleeping that well (which is different than Gracie's)
-lots of pressure because she is head down (never felt that with Gracie, she was transverse until 39 weeks)
-Is a big kicker starting at 8:30 pm

I found myself monday having horrible cramps in my back and stomach. I felt a lot like this right before I went into active labor with Gracie. I waited all day trying to see if it would go away but of course it didn't. I was sent to Labor and Deliver to see what are little lady was up to. Turns out I have had an UTI for 2-3 weeks which was causing lots of pain and when left untreated makes you go into  pre-term labor. I honestly had no idea. I thought peeing every 30 seconds was normal haha I am on the meds now so hopefully nothing has infected my kidneys. So note to self--look for those symptoms, peeing 7 times a night is not normal.

I read a blog of a friend who is going through cancer and I always find myself being put back in my place of how good we have it. When I first got pregnant with Hadlie I was shocked, I couldn't even be excited because of what we went through to have to pink lines on that stick. Long story short I was having horrible left side pain and my doctor sent me straight to the ER. I was 5 weeks pregnant and scared. I got there after my body had gone into shock earlier that day, so I was exhausted. They got me to the ultra sound within minutes and when they started looking I knew something was wrong. The guy kept asking weird questions  but not saying anything positive. We went back to my room and they told me there was nothing there and my hormone levels were low so I was having a miscarriage. We left, cried in the car, and wondered if Gracie would be our only child. The next day I couldn't take it anymore I asked Chase for a blessing. In that blessing he told me specifically this child would live a normal healthy life and I shouldn't be afraid. I have never forgotten those words since he spoke them, turns out the ER was very wrong and misunderstood how far along I was. Hadlie is healthy and I couldn't be more thankful to be growing our family by one. We don't know how many children will actually be in our earthly family (and thats a horrible feeling) but I do know that God has a plan for us. He sent Hadlie here, now, for a purpose. I am so thankful for the power of the Preisthood and that Chase can bless me in times of need. Whenever I discuss a hard time with him his first suggestion is a blessing and Oh what a blessing that is! There aren't mistakes in this world, I am certain of that. It's hard to believe our little one will be here in 14 weeks or less, I can't believe our sweet Gracie will be a big sister!

We love you Hadlie

Mommy, Daddy, Gracie

Worst. Moment. Ever.

You know those times that make you think, why do I ever go in public, alone with my child(ren)? Well honestly I haven't ever had that moment with Gracie until Friday. I will be honest Gracie has been an angel child- cute as can be, always listened, never threw a fit, blah blah. Then 18 months hit and she has been getting some sassy and more cuteness ;) Anyway. So some background Gracie had a fever Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday but woke up seemingly fine Friday. She had no other symptoms but a weird fever so I figured just something she picked up from another kid. Well Friday morning came around and we did our normal bath, go to the gym, come home eat routine. Normally on Friday's I take her swimming but I wasn't sure if she was sick so I just did my thing and came home. Gracie will be 19 months tomorrow and I always take her shopping and lunch for her mile stone birthday's. Since the 19 month mark landed on a "school day" I thought Friday would be perfect to go ahead and head to the mall. Anyone who knows me knows our first and usually only stop is Baby Gap, that Friday we could also get 50% off clothing so I decided I would get the girls their summer stuff (no winter stuff, just summer). Sorry if your asleep by now, I'm getting to the worst part I promise. So arms full of summer stuff, Gracie was loving that I was letting her walk instead of bringing the stroller in. As I was comparing some sizes I look over and see her hiding behind some clothes, I walked towards her being all cute saying "where is boo boo (that's what we call her)". Then it hit me... Like I would imagine a large Sumo wrestler would... The smell of poop. Horrified I picked her up.... This is where it all went south... like Florida south. It wasn't poop it was diarrhea, pure golden liquid diarrhea. Over flowing out of her diaper, on to my arm, on to the floor, up the back of her very white shirt, and lastly on my pants. The wipes were folded up into this cool contraption diaper changing thing so as I am trying to get Gracie to stand by me unfolding this stupid thing I couldn't decide what to clean up first, the floor, my arm, her back.. you get the idea. I was seriously panicked. Realizing I didn't refill the wipes before leaving, nor did I have a change of clothes for her, I had to make each wipey really count and clean up more than it could handle. After realizing I wasn't just buying summer clothes anymore I was frantically eye searching for a pair of leggings and a new shirt. In my mind I was yelling at myself "change her diaper first, is there anything in the diaper?! NO pay for some clothes to change her into first, NO go out in the hall" After was seemed an eternity I choose to drag her into the hall to change her diaper, clean her back off and drag her back in. Luckily we were the only customers in Gap so no one was around to see my epic mommy fail. We got our clothes, went to the car, cried, and drove home. I called Chase to find me laughing through my tears wondering what the HAIL just happened.

She is feeling better now and we didn't leave the house this weekend haha While all this was happening she didn't cry once in fact she tried getting a wipe to help me clean it up haha I guess my mommy moment was due and I think I'll hold off on another one for like ... ever.

This is the outfit we purchase after the accident haha

catch up

Okay fast catch up:

Three days before Christmas Chase, Gracie and I went in the for the gender ultra sound. I had this crazy idea that I would close my eyes and the person could just tell Chase the gender then he could tell me on Christmas. I only thought this was okay because I KNEW it was a boy and it was only a few days. I opened my eyes right after they said it was okay, I immediately looked to see a reaction on Chase's face. To my surprised he looked a little confused... So to be clear we were 100% sure this kid was a boy. I haven't been sick once and I barley feel pregnant. So as I looked at his face I thought oh.. it's got to be a girl. But then as he whispered it in Gracie's ear she kept yelling "Ball" which also starts with a B haha We went up to my parents that day and we decided no one else but Chase should know. Long story short he told my mom so she could make the baby a blanket, my mom told my dad, who told my little sister. haha Anyway we decided to do the gender revel at our big Christmas eve party while skyping my brother who is serving a mission for the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Thailand. Of course I was shocked to discover bright pink balloons... It's a girl! Her name is Hadlie Jane Cuthbertson. She is very healthy and is starting to make me look pregnant! I didn't look pregnant until 7 months with Gracie so showing 5 1/2 months is strange for me. But I am determined to stay fit and healthy this pregnancy, since I am not sick, so Gracie and I go to the gym each morning and have been eating pretty healthy. 

Update on Gracie. She is almost 19 months and still tiny. She recently started growing out of clothes, she hasn't grown out of anything since may, so it's been fun getting her some new stuff and buying Hadlie those same things in a tiny size :) She is starting to talk more and wanting to potty train. I have decided I am not ready to jump in full force yet. School is taking up so much time this semester and I want to have a good week to really concentrate on it. She will use it on her own so I let her whenever she wants. She will use it 5-6 times a day if I am home most of the day. The best part is she will always use it to go poop just not always pee when she is in her underwear. When I pulled the underwear out of the package she ran into her room, where I found her with it on her head...haha I laughed and took pictures of course. We have never let Gracie watch Tv until about two weeks ago. She still has zero interest in it but has discovered the IPAD and the movie Despicable ME 2, she loves it. I only let her watch thirty minutes a day of it because she is liking it a bit to much. Her favorite thing is still books (thank goodness). She got about a billion books for Christmas so we spend most of our afternoon looking and reading all of them (literally, all of them). She loves outside and lucky for me it's been fairly warm so she runs free outside most days. She is doing a better job of actually eating, which is great cause she actually gained two pounds! She loves babies and truly believes she can hold any newborn on her own. She is going to be a great, overbearing big sis.

Chase and I are just surviving school. Same old Same old. This will be the biggest year of our marriage! We will both graduate in April, we will be moving up north in May, having the baby anytime during the first part of May, We will be married 3 years in May, Chase will start his MACC in May, Gracie will turn 2 in July, and Chase will Graduate with his MACC in December, then he will start his job with Tanner in January. Needless to say we are exhausted just thinking about it. But so excited to rid the student status and start his job. We are so excited for this year and think it has gotten off to a great start. 

Oh the holidays!

We have had a wonderful holiday season so far. We have made homemade candies, decorated, done a service project, and so much more. My brother is getting married dec 20 in Las Vegas but also having a reception at my parents home in January. My mom and I have been decorating extra fancy for the reception and man it's a lot of work.... and way to expensive haha We are finishing up our last week of school and getting ready for finals. Each semester it gets harder during finals week but good news... We graduate next semester! Chase has been the best trooper tho, he works 25 hrs a week at an insurance brokerage, has 16 credit hrs at school, and is still the best dad and husband. I admire his hard work and dedication a lot. This next year is bringing lots of life changes for us and I am very excited and scared haha Chase and I will graduate in April, have a baby in May, we will be moving to davis county in may, Chase will start his Masters of Accounting in May, Gracie will turn two in July, Chase will be graduating with his Masters in December and Starting his awesome new job in January 1. We actually went to his Future jobs christmas party Friday and of course it was amazing. Tanner has been so awesome to us since Chase signed his formal offer and it makes him even more excited to start.

Gracie- Turned 17 months and the talking and understanding a lott. She now can do the "If your happy and you know it" song, say the word ball (to anything round hah), she understands anything you tell her, and is a little sassy pants. She loves to dance, which is an understatement. You should see her go haha she has a whole routine. Her favorite thing is to play outside still and be with other kids. I adore her more and more every day.

Baby #2- Still growing. haha The baby looks healthy but will not uncross his/her legs. We go in on Dec 23 to find out the gender and other info about the baby so since it's so close to Christmas I'm going to have chase surprise me on christmas morning and tell me what the gender is. I still feel really tired with this baby even though I'm in the second trimester, which is a bummer but I think a lot of it is chasing around Gracie and school. I'm kind of showing, in fact I show a lot at night after I've eaten haha but I've actually lost a few pounds thus far. I am eating really healthy right now, mainly because I can't stand the thought of meat and heavy foods make me feel sick, on top of that I have been very motivated to work out so I hope I can keep on this track and be healthy until May!

she is a total girly girl. she LOVES shoes

Provo river trial walk!

She can climb on anything now so when we went downtown to see lights and shop the first thing she did was look for a couch to sit on!

Loves her strawberries! 

I'm Thankful

As of lately we have been doing the same old same old. This week has been school break but Chase has still been working so Gracie and I have been doing some fun activities and going more places than usual. I must say we love this time of year and we put our Christmas tree up about a week ago. We have stopped watching TV at night and focusing on Gracie and her development. We have been baking for our neighbors, teaching her new body parts, and helping her with words. We have felt the spirit so strong as we make an effort to get closer to our little one. I am so thankful for Chase and his hard work. I am so thankful to be married to my best friend and to share my life with him. He is the most patient, kind, loving, Christ like person I know. Even on days he has work and school all day he comes home ready help. Asking if he can help with dinner or changing Gracie's diaper, and at the end of the night he always always always helps me clean so I can wake up to a clean house. I am thankful to be a mother to two wonderful babies. I think about where we are now and I almost (notice almost) wish I would've gotten pregnant faster so Gracie could have sibling. I love seeing her grow and saying words. As a mother you can't help but feel proud. I am so very proud to be her mom and I think she is the brightest light bulb around. I am thankful for my Savior and Heavenly Father. I would be nothing without them. There is no true happiness in my life without the gospel of Jesus Christ, As I pray, read my scriptures, visit teach, and serve my family I feel the pure love of Christ. I am so thankful to have a home filled with the spirit that allows us to be truly happy. I am thankful for this season!

It snowed! She made me sit in front of the window with her for thirty minutes to watch it haha

her favorite thing? SMOOTHIES!

out for our family walk 

All she wants is to play outside so we play outside a lot!

tooth paste lover

FHE activity, Making cookies for our fellow apartment friends

we have been teaching her nose and mouth. She has eyes down and will stab them and yell eye at any time